It sounds daunting, I know, but the longer you hide this debt away the larger it will become and the worse you will feel about it, so I really encourage you to be open and honest – I promise you will feel relieved as soon as you do.
Not allowing for financial independence
Micromanaging is a major mood kill and it’s important to remember that while we should strive to be smart with our money so we can set ourselves up for financial freedom, we also need to enjoy our lives and have fun with our money along the way. I often see couples in distress because they haven’t managed to let go of having complete financial control, and I get that – if you’ve worked really hard for your money it’s understandable that you’d want to make sure you’re not wasting it.
However, when you’ve made the decision to fuse finances, we need to adjust our thinking from “it’s my money” to “it’s our money” and give each other the space to spend without the suffocating feeling that someone is watching over our shoulder and monitoring every cent. If you feel like your partner is spending too much while you’re exerting extreme spending discipline, don’t be afraid to bring it up with them kindly, remind them of your joint goals and just keep that line of communication open!
But please note, if your partner is stepping over the line by restricting your access to your bank accounts and monitoring how you spend every cent, then this is edging into financially abusive territory and if you are in this position, then I’d urge you to get in touch with 1800RESPECT.
Victoria Devine is an award-winning financial adviser and founder of the podcast, She’s on the Money. Her new book She’s on the Money (published by Penguin Random House Australia) is available from June 16.
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