We’re ‘the most adorable couple’, but we aren’t romantically involved

Last night I went out with one of the great joys of my life, a man I love wholly and heartily. To see us together, it would be easy to surmise we are a romantic couple, the way we walk arm in arm, take each other’s hand instinctively when we enter a room, or embrace at a whim when our affections can’t be restrained.

He tells me openly and often how deeply he cares for me, and vice versa, but the reality is that we have never taken our relationship to the next level, one that involves sex and all the complications and consequences that brings. Nope, when this man and I met and realised how much we meant to each other, we made a deliberate decision not to go there. And it’s one neither of us regrets.

In the beginning, I will admit, it wasn’t easy. Yes, there was that old churning stomach to contend with, the one that comes with fired-up pheromones, and the gnawing insecurity and second-guessing that accompanies vulnerability. But these days I am old and wise enough to know that heightened stage of early attraction is a form of madness, one that cannot and does not endure – thankfully. That dizzy first flush of the uncomfortable and unpredictable does not bring out the best in me. I like to be sane. I also know that should you fuel such feelings with lust, well, while it may be exciting, it can also be explosive.

The giddy pheromone-induced highs of early attraction can be a supernova that flies high, burns bright, then comes hurtling back to earth with an almighty thud.

Look, I am not suggesting that sex, love and romance shouldn’t be embraced and celebrated as life’s most exquisite delights. I still go there with a gusto and have been lucky to have enjoyed wonderful, intoxicating and enduring long-term relationships. But I also know the giddy pheromone-induced highs of early attraction can be a supernova that flies high, burns bright, then comes hurtling back to earth with an almighty thud. Been there and have the faceplant scars to prove it.

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Let’s be honest here, there are lots of expectations that surround romantic love, a lot of subliminal boxes that we have been conditioned to believe need ticking that can cruel, if not kill, a beautiful, budding bond. Once sex is added to attraction, expectations usually appear or are imposed, defining how you feel you should be treated by a romantic partner.

We’ve all been there, from the petty grievances about not being put first to the accelerated pressures of fast-tracking the future. There are just so many things that can go wrong within a romantic relationship as it forges ahead to some defined destiny that celebrating what already exists can sadly get lost in its wake.

This is often what’s truly heart-breaking about so many relationships that fail; the loss of what once was, the magical meetings of the mind, the alchemy that drew two disparate souls together in the first place. To me, this is the prize to be treasured and nurtured. And doing so sometimes means respecting and cherishing what you have, without pushing it further.